It's a little late, I know. But this is Gloria's birthday present, and better late than never. I have legitimate excuses; Thursday, her birthday, I was really busy and had homework until like 11:30. Then Friday, right after school, we left to go to a no-internet land until late today. So now, when I am supposed to be asleep, I write this.

I have little to write about. I will write these:

I am now going out with one Ashley Chu. I finally go out with an Ashley, dammit. I have had crushes on like 5 Ashleys (Ashlies?) before this and by the beard of Zeus, I have finally succeeded. 6th-grade-Evan would be so proud. And this one Ashley Chu interests me because I like how she is and less of what she is. She tells stories about some of the most boring things I've ever heard and she can make them funny. That is my favorite thing. I would write more, but I have made many a mistake obsessing over a girl and do not want to make that mistake again.

But I also enjoy that we have a similar taste in music. By no means is it identical, but we have traded lists of songs we like and about 1 in 4 songs is compatible. It fills me with joy.

I was going to write "I fear that Gloria does not want to talk to me," but she is going to be reading this. I fear that you don't want to talk to me anymore. Admittedly, I feel this about most people, but you especially. I am sorry if that is or is not the case and am genuinely sorry about either one. I feel sorry for two out of three of these reasons: 1) I am sorry that you don't want to talk to me, and for whatever I have done to make you not want to talk to me. 2) I am sorry if I have misinterpreted your vibes. 3) It is important to feel genuine remorse all the time.

Me and my fambly and my aunt went to the Avenue of the Giants. There were a lot of giants except they were actually redwood trees that were still giant. It was a rural place. It was nice. It was the kind of place where all of the men drive old trucks and all of the women do not shave their armpits. It was nice. I am serious about all parts of this paragraph.

I am trying to speak in more "legendary" language as of late. Take a sentence. "I gave you the old green bag." Certain substitutions can be made. The verb "give" can become "bestow upon thine name." "Green" becomes "jade." "Old" becomes "of yore." "Bag" becomes "parcel." Now look at it: "I have bestown the jade parcel of yore upon thine name." Is that not more legendary? It is more legendary. Of yore.

Nerd paragraph: Smash Bros. Brawl is confusing me. On my first day, I liked Marth. Then I liked Link, then Lucas, then Lucario, then Captain Falcon, now Mario. Tomorrow will be someone completely different. I like Mario because he, like Meta Knight and Toon Link and others, thrives in the air. He also has a beastly f-air spike. I also went back to my roots and played SSB64 and enjoyed it a lot. Throws are actually useful, as are the attacks that lock you in (eg Toon Link's up+B). Aerial Falcon PAWNCHes against recoveries are absolutely sweet.

Speaking of the Falcon PAWNCH, Gil and I are going to build a Falcon Punch machine. Something you attach to your wrist, which hits a button, which plays Falcon Punch, and maybe shoots some red smoke. Imagine the awesome. Stop reading and pause for a minute to imagine the awesome.

I am going to try to plant some slang. Instead of "bad" or "not good," I am going to use the word "bitter." I am going to see if I can get other people to say it. Cross your fingers, future.

I met with a college counselor and a 3.75, my grade, is good. Except now I have two options: 1) Bomb Chem (C), do good in Spanish (A). 2) Do fine (B) in Chem and Spanish. Neither of them sound good but I can deal. I feel like a Macbook. This counselor also suggested that I formalize some of my hobbies, like take a real programming class. So I'm going to learn Java that way, and then make Soldier 2.0, and rock the house with my nerdness.

And I believe that is all.

Happy birthday, Gloria.